Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
