I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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