fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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