can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
