need another drink. this is the easiest way
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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