he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
