Can i not drive my cunt home
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
