would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
