i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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