Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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