omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
