and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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