i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize