it's too hot outside to masturbate.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
