Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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