we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
