3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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