Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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