I'm so fucking centered right now
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
