Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
