He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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