Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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