So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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