Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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