My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
COCAINE IS GR8
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
