Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
