I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
