GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
