I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
