I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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