She is in my trunk
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
