when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
