This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
