I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
