fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
