i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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