I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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