White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
