I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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