ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
