when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize