everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
dude. I can hear the air.
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