I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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