Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
