I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
