hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize