I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
