Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize