It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
