we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
