If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
