So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
