You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
