You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize