A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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