i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
