I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
