'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize