Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
