6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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