How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize