I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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