This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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