some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
