TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
