it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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