You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
