"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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